Envy

It seems like envy has been rearing its ugly head rather frequently in life lately. I wonder if envy can be forestalled. Because it's really hard to know when it will come on and where and what form it'll take or whether it's a mild case or not. I think envy comes when I start looking at others and comparing what I have to them or what they are able to do. I used to pride myself on the fact that I don't really envy others because I'm satisfied with what I have and because I know that God is sovereign and it's not for me to question his judgements or blessings.

*sigh*

Despite all this envy in my heart, I know the best weapon is prayer. I keep praying about envy these few days. It makes me so discontented and unhappy. Sometimes it even makes me cry. Which is so weird! Why should I cry over what I don't have? Harharhar...but I do. There are so many things in life that I want. Really want. And most of them are not even material things. And like a wilful child, I think, "Why can't I have it?" And at the same time, I know the answer all along. I don't think God withholds His blessings from us. I know things happen or don't happen for a specific and exact purpose. Nothing is by chance. What the speaker said today is so true. God engineers circumstances for his purposes. And when the wait just seems so long, the moulding so painful, the journey exhausting, I hang on to the sentence of a song - I don't have to understand to believe.

"A heart at peace gives life to the body, but envy rots the bones."
--Proverbs 14:30

And so the battle continues. Sometimes it's all uphill and sometimes it's a cinch. But I'm determined that envy should have no foothold in my heart. Nothing should spoil Christmas. After all we're celebrating the Saviour. =)

"For unto us is born this day a Saviour who is Christ the Lord."
--Luke 2:11